A long time ago I recorded this call which is my second favorite recorded scam call ever! I've been wanting to make them into animation somehow. Maybe with this new "AI" (which, is in no way intelligent) it could whack something together for me. Until then, I'm going to have to post the mp3 file.
I found out at work today that slack will transcribe it which saves me some time. Take that, robots.
All right, just give me a moment.
Let me just step.
Ok, Jeff Cooper, are you still there?
Yeah, let me pull up a file with me.
Can you, can you tell me again?
Like why, why are you calling?
What am I getting arrested for?
Let me pull up your file then I'll tell you.
Ok, pull up my file.
Yeah, he said that I'm getting arrested.
I don't know is the Social Security administration and the FBI it is super well, if you're being arrested, you should know your name.
You'd think Jeff Cooper.
Are you still there?
What's going on?
Stay with me?
Yeah, I know I'm still on hold.
What's, what's happening?
Yeah, I'm here.
Yeah, the reason behind this call is that we have found some suspicious activity going with the help of your social security number and that is why we are calling you to investigate you.
That you are the one who did that crime or not.
Police department found that you are the only culprit of that fraud.
Ok, let me ask you that.
Did you receive any notice from the police department regarding this kind of criminal activity under your name?
No, that's why I'm so shocked.
Are you sure?
Yeah, I'm sure you guys called me just now.
So, first before I provide you all the information, I want you to grab a pen and a piece of paper so you can write down my name and my badge number.
My name is Officer Jeff Cooper.
It's Jeff Coo B, and my badge number is 417 K as in kilo, 2741.
You say K as in killer, it's K as in killer, killer.
You don't kill people, do you?
I said Kksnkokilo Ksnk I LL it's 417 K 2741.
You got it.
Is it 417 Ks?
I really want to get this right cause I'm, I'm nervous.
417 K as in kilo, 741 K, the whole alphabet.
Yeah, that alphabet.
Like in the alphabet.
So, all right.
What's the suspicious activity like what happens?
Like did my, did my identity get stolen?
Yeah, before we proceed further, I would like to notify you that these lines are recorded and monitored by four major fetal agencies.
I would like to notify you that these lines are recorded and monitored by four major federal agencies.
Which ones, I mean it's got to be SSA right?
And FBI, what are the other two?
Anytime, whenever you're ready Jeff Cooper Officer.
Yeah, the four major federal agencies.
Department of Treasury Justice, Internal Revenue Services, financial crimes enforcement network and department of narcotics regarded.
Hang on a second.
So could you verify me your social security number?
Because I need to confirm that I'm talking to the right person that I have.
Yeah, because the information that I have is highly protective and so could you verify your social security number?
Well, before, before I get that, I, I need to know who I'm talking to because you said that this is, it's being monitored by the Department of Justice, the IRS, the Department of Narcotics.
I don't even know what that is.
Is that, I mean, obviously that's drugs.
I didn't do anything with drugs.
So the information I have is highly protective and so you have to.
But before that, which, which one do you work for?
Which one do you work for?
Are you DOJ or are you IRS?
Which one are you?
Investigation Department of Social Security.
So you work for SSA?
You're an officer of the Social Security Administration, right?
Because they do law enforcement.
Can I have your social security number?
Because I need to confirm that I'm talking to the right?
Oh, you're talking to the right person.
I need to confirm that with you.
What do you have?
Maybe you could tell me what you have and I'll tell you.
Or no, because, you know, I can't give you any, I can't give you any information on this call from my side.
If I do I'll lose my job.
Ok, you'll lose your job?
I thought you were an investigator.
So you're not gonna lose your job.
You can tell me it's my number, right?
So you should be able to tell me, have your social security number and the last time I'm telling you that.
Otherwise we will be in 45 minutes.
Wait, you'll do, you'll do what, in 45 minutes?
That's pretty quick.
Who's going to arrest me?
Is it the SSA or the FBI or the Department of Justice or the IRS or the DEA, which you said that this call is being monitored by four law enforcement agencies and you named five?